Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Game Review: Euro Truck Simulator 2

Well hey ya'll. I dun usually write no stuff on them fancy computin' machines, but mah friends at the East-West Bruthers Gahrage axed me to write a review fo this fancy truck trainin' program. A little background first. Mah names Billy Bob, I hail from Kentucky, and I drive big rigs for a livin'. Recently, a truckin' company from the UK noticed mah skills on the road, and hired me to go drivin' in London. Now I dunno bout no drivin in London. Don't them British people drive on the wrong side of the road? Anyway, they sends me this fancy trainin' program and told me to get workin' on learnin' me some rules of the European roads.


OK, so this here simulation starts wit you makin' yer own driver an company. As ya'll see in that
picture above, that there feller looks just like me! Handsome feller ain't it? Ladies...I'm single (wink). After that step, you pick the truck you wanna drive. Once you finish pickin the truck you wanna drive, you pick the city you wanna start in. I dunno any them darn Eurapeein cities other than London, so I picked that one. Once the startin stuff is done, you get to drive! Wait a gosh darn minute...why's the darn steerin wheel on tha right side? Oh, right, this thing dun't take place in 'Murica.

Well gosh darn, ain't them...wat you call it...graphics look real life like. It's like I'm sittin in the real thing! So the company gave me this steerin' wheel thing to practice wit. I mean, not sure how its gonna help since the steerin wheel is all covered in buttons, and the gear shifter only gots six gears and reverse. I reckon they just wan me to practice drivin' on the wrong side of the road. Well, ok so the drivins purty life like. I'm just glad them British folk usin MPH so I knows how fast I'm goin. So to change the drivin view, you push some buttin and...wait...why dun I got no trailer hitched?

OK, so I called the drivin' company people in London and they tells me I gots to take random jobs to make enough "pounds" to start my own truckin bisnuss. So I'm gonna take this here job transportin some ice cream and...hey lookit there...I gots me a trailer fulla ice cream! Anyway, drivin with the trailer ain't too difficult. The folks that made this here simulator put a real emphasis on followin traffic laws. I probably got me tickets for speedin and runnin red lights. You know Imma fight them tickets in court! Anyway, once you arrive at yer destination, you gotta back the trailer up into the loadin zone...or you can cheat and jus press enter on that there keyboard an just end the job...you dirty filthy cheat. Axidents are real fun ta watch too. I axidentally flip mah trailer over and caused a big 'ol pile up. What a hoot!

So what did I learn from this fancy drivin program? Nuthin really. Drivin on the wrong side of the road is downright crazy. Why can't them Brits drive on the right side of the road like we do in 'Murica? My truckin' skills may be too...advanced for those Brits. I think Imma stay here in good 'ol Kentucky and keep on truckin'. Heh, get it? Keep on truckin'?

*In case you all have not already figured out based on the date, this is our second April Fool's Day article. I did in fact play Euro Truck Simulator 2, but with an Xbox 360 controller as I do not own a USB steering wheel. While the game is incredibly life like, you can only get so much entertainment out of hauling cargo from point A to point B. The only reason I have this game is because it came in the Humble Bundle that included Grid 2, which I reviewed a few months back. Long story short, if wanting to know what long haul trucking is like in Europe, this is probably the game for you.